I, at the beginning of the year of 2003, suddenly decided that I should live to give up all of civilized things and I began to do farming at Ansan, April, 2003. At that time, my mother were so ill that she seemed to face death. But then, I don't know why, I decided again to go more far from big city, back-to-earth. I wrote in my diary that this was a back-to-earth at the sacrifice of mother's life, June, 2003.

Life is really transient, ephemeral and empty. So I hope to hug all the dead and to be thick with all the alive. Can I do that? I will do farm for six months and shoot movie for another six months as Scott Nearing did. If I wish my movie could be a lasting peace or a Buddhist invocation, would that be a transient desire? Who am I searching for the ox? I can't step on the ground any more.